My life is one long rerouting.
Only I’ve not had the pleasure of Google Maps patiently telling me that I’ve taken a wrong turn and that it’s calculating the next best option to get me to my destination. Instead, I’ve lived one-way streets and stop signs, merging into single lanes and tight spaces. My life has been roadblocks and potholes and miles out of my way with no rest stop in sight.
I type the address into my phone to get to her office. Google Maps turns me this way and that and I obediently follow its directions.
“You have arrived at your destination,” my phone informs me in a professional robotic voice.
I stay buckled in my seat with my hands at ten and two. I look down and see that my knuckles are mottled from my grip and my palms are slick with sweat. I release the steering wheel and wipe my hands on my dress. I flip down the visor and pop open the mirror. I took care today. I showered and blowdried my hair. I put on a nude lipstick. Today isn’t a day when I can manage red. I can’t trust my lips these days, I don’t know what they’ll say.
My mascara promises not to budge, its waterproof formula guaranteed to hold strong and not break down, even when I can’t.
Continue Reading at She Loves Magazine where I share about bipolar disorder, searching for treasure and finding beauty in ash and tears, and what it feels like to live with a mind on fire.
A side note: When I write about mental illness there are 3 responses. Me too. I didn’t know that but I want to learn. This has nothing to do with me. If we belong to Christ, option three is not an option. We belong to each other. I guarantee there are those among you who are struggling alone. Many never talk about it until someone else makes space for the conversation. I’m always amazed by how many me too’s there are in the world. Be someone who makes space. Do it by listening. Do it by investing. Do it by choosing to see beyond your own experiences. This is humility. This is loving your neighbor as yourself. This is the call of Christ and the church, the evidence of our light in the world.
We make a wide circle around the mentally ill, I’m asking you to come in close.
